O I tried so hard to hold it down;
Push it aside, look away, like it wasn’t there
I worked so hard to hold it back;
Show no sign of offense or defense
I didn’t think, didn’t know I could explode…
Had I not been provoked: he pulled
The trigger and I couldn’t hold back.

It brewed hot and burned bright
He started that fire, fed the embers…
I tried to ignore it, douse it:
I didn’t plan the rage and storm
But he fed the blaze, fanned the flame:
He set fire on my controls
I burned him and all the bridges

In the past 4 weeks, I attended workshops on Emotional Intelligence organized by Emotional Wealth Management Incorporated. It is research based, scientifically and experientially proven yet, leaving each session, I felt like I had been in the Presence of God! There was nothing religious about it, yet each session resonated with something the Holy Spirit had taught me down the years. They stirred up issues I had set aside and were directly and indirectly affecting my life and decisions. They also affirmed areas I have gained victory through hearkening to God’s Word without even realizing the enormity of the bondage I escaped by simple trust and obedience. I don’t know if there is anything more amazing than when science confirms God, His Word and His ways.

One of the affirmations that dawned as Dietrich Desmarais walked us through the courses is that whenever we react inappropriately to situations (I call them over- or under-reactions), it is a pointer to a blocked emotion that is not resolved, which festers whenever anyone pulls a trigger that touches the nerve, even when the circumstances and persons are not related. One thing that came to mind was a betrayal my sister and brother and I felt when our family underwent a most difficult time. The cut was deep, the pain astronomical but over time, God had taken me back to that incident to confront my true feelings and in so doing, acknowledged the pain that was shoved aside, the disappointment and all other associated emotions. It was in facing those that I received the strength to overcome and obey God in reaching out to the offender with forgiveness.

I do understand the workings of the Holy Spirit in the above as in several other cases but as Dietrich taught, I became “aware” of the science in my spiritual walk and that was astounding. I cannot go into details about how the brain works emotions but his teachings were simple enough for me to make the connections in my life and experiences.

In the 4th week of the workshop, my sister called. The offender had contacted her, not to apologize but to scrape the scar and she was itching to release a piece of her mind. Thank God she resolved to talk with me first. As she narrated the event, I just laughed because now I know better. In addition to the spiritual counsel I would typically share, I had been empowered by the workshops, better informed and in a more confident position to share out of the overflow of something that tremendously enriched me.

At the end of that discussion, my sister saw the truth: that our reaction isn’t about the offender or the offense both of which we can’t control. It is about our dealing with unresolved issues in order to enjoy the freedom that no trigger can mess up. At the end of the day, we both looked back in agreement, “It’s not worth it” Well, until you have been rightly positioned, you really can’t see well and ill perception breeds and excuses all manner of inappropriate reactions, which inadvertently leaves no room for change.

I’m sure that she will bless others with that same blessing. I am sharing this also to bless all my readers: don’t shove your emotions under covers because they will show up where you least expect them. Don’t blame others for how you feel. Whenever you find yourself reacting in a way that takes you unawares, leaves you shocked, shamed, furious, desperate, or any of such, get all the help you can to confront and overcome that situation. Don’t worry about the person and situation that you can’t change, focus on helping yourself and once you overcome it, there is nothing anybody can do to rattle you because a gun without a bullet does absolutely no harm when the trigger is pulled.

Blessings.
Glory!