“Alas, it was a loss!” I wailed
But peace counseled to be still
That I may see and know to say
That even events that turn up
As disappointments, are orchestrated,
To snatch me away from transient
Gratifications of haste, to kick me
To wakefulness, make me ready;
Willing, waiting, open, and free
For timeless treasures that seem
Pending yet are as certain as sunrise.

Our definitions of success and failure are so at variant with God’s. Yet this story typifies that when we cast in our lot with the Lord, irrespective of trends and tags, He makes all things work together for the good of the willing, the obedient, and the persistent. When we trust and obey God, He transforms events that appear today as failure into comforting and resounding victories in the days ahead. May this story encourage you to be and to give your best irrespective of outcomes because one goodness begets another and makes the world a better place.

My job had me relocating to a city that was known for violence. I worked the hardest in that city where every day emerged with new threats. I gave my best but when I eventually left, I was drained. Every aspect of my life was significantly impacted. It seemed like I had poured my life into a hole and came up with nothing to show for it. I moved on nevertheless, taking with me, unforgettable lessons that have shaped me into the person I have become as I continue to unravel.

During that period, I observed a young boy from the community. We were compelled to employ him as a Gardner in compliance to the community’s youth development program. There were many like him who had no skills. Bad attitude and nonchalance was prevalent. While others dodged work, showed up late, and sometimes not at all without excuses, he was always there, exceptional at his job.

His name is Prince (pseudo name assigned for privacy protection). Whatever he lacked in skill was abundantly compensated with a glowingly endearing attitude and what appeared like super human strength. He attacked his job with exciting energy and volunteered to help others rather than sit idle. His face was a certain spot to locate a smile in the cheerless environment where strangers were treated as if they were the cause of the people’s problems.

While others strutted about with frowns permanently plastered to their faces, he greeted everyone, everywhere, every time, with a smile. You would wonder why this guy is always so happy because really, there was a lot to be sad and to frown about. But not Prince; he had a job, he could make his own money, and buy what he pleased – life was good!

Over time, I discovered he was an orphan and adopted him. He was tireless. I recall one day he came into my office wearing new shoes he just bought. I asked how much he shelled out for those and the amount he mentioned had my eyes almost popping out of their sockets. I told him I had never spent that amount on shoes (and I was regarded as super rich in their estimation). That was when we started our lessons on savings. I had to teach him that those who have a vision to live for do not spend their future today. Yes, they work hard but hard work is not enough. They have to learn to plan and to save. They have to determine priorities and postpone immediate gratification for some higher goals.

I encouraged him to seek admission into college and we started working that process together. While I would take care of his tuition, I counselled him to save so he could cater to little expenses. He had to learn responsibility. One of the lessons I learned from my parents is that you have to be the highest investor in yourself. If you cannot save for your dream, investing mine would be unfair and a waste. If you can’t deny yourself for your goals, why should I spend my savings on you? If your dreams are not precious enough for you to make relevant sacrifices, why should I allow you to eat into my own resources, saved by sacrifices?

I think that is one of the things killing our generation. Parents tend to become demigods, ultimate providers to their children. We don’t want them to suffer so we overstretch ourselves to ensure they don’t lack. We eventually end up with youths who feel entitled to every good thing in life. They have not been taught responsibility and accountability. In the end, we discover that we have raised a bunch of burdens, who pile upon and complicate our problems, instead of independent and responsible adults who make us proud.

It is a privilege to be a parent, and to be able to provide for your family. Nevertheless, your responsibility as a parent is not limited to provisions to meet needs. It also includes ensuring that true character is nurtured, that they mature into responsible adults, for the benefit of not only the child and the family, but also for the world at large as we will see through Prince’s story.

I recall when I opened a boutique, he was preparing for the college entrance exam and had no job at the time. I needed a manager so I thought of Prince. I figured the job would help him sit at a place to prepare for upcoming exams and also save money for college. When I mentioned that, he looked to me and said, “Mamma, seriously I cannot sit still or at a place for long. If I try, I will fall ill.” It was the simplest and purest truth about him and I asked myself, “Why didn’t you think of that?”

He is restless by nature, a typical doer who has to be actively working on something, paid or not. Much as I had a dream for him, I also had to learn that my responsibility was to enable not disable him. I had to let him be Prince or else he will lose who he is to become who I wanted him to be. He is his best when he is himself. He is the best when he is outdoors, actively engaged in whatever the need was at that place and time. He loves to help, to solve problems. Call on him anytime and he will jump out and take on the assignment.

I also emphasize this unique aspect of him because I have met a lot of people, old and young, who want to be rich but they don’t want to work. They want to go places at someone else’s expense. They build castles in the air, day in and day out, but they have no desire to lift a finger, to soil their hands, or to make a sacrifice for what they want or believe in. They blame their background, their lack of education and skills, their communities, and the government. They blame everyone else but themselves for their condition and they wouldn’t do what they expect everybody else to do for them.

Until you stop blaming others for your condition, you are not ready for the next level. Prince wasn’t sitting around mourning that he had no parents. He wasn’t moaning that he had several siblings to take care of. He was not lamenting his lack of education, finances, lowly job, among several other justifiable reasons. He was not blaming the violent society in which he was raised. He was a happy guy who was grateful to be alive, willing to help, and excited to work with his hands. The only skill he had was the ability to use his hands and legs. His great attitude and that permanent smile on his face were bonuses, products of choices. And they were real no matter the weather. He had too much joy inside to allow his ever whining mates and depressing life conditions to sour his mood or stall his progress.

To be continued on June 12, 2015.

Glory!