He hurts and I hurt
And whenever I hurt, I haul
The sum of all the hurts:
She wants and I want
And whenever I want, I tow
The sum of all the wants
Until I am too torn to aid
Until I am too worn for good.

As mention in last week’s article (Nurturing Contentment – April 27, 2016), the second reminder from the discussion of the two cleaners in the restroom is a craze that I have been cured of for good. I had this weakness of not being able to see people in need and walk away without doing something to help. I had taken the Scripture, ‘If your brother is naked, don’t tell him to go and be clothed without providing the clothing,’ to a whole new level in my life. I stand in the gap and pray but it doesn’t end there. I seek ways to alleviate the problem and meet the needs. Guess what that did for me?

Words get around and before you know it, everybody is knocking on your door. Over time, it became a struggle I lived with as people piled their issues on me and walked away while I labored to see them met however I could. Apart from the fact that my own needs suffered, I eventually became overwhelmed and ran dry and crumbled. Like Bill Coe would say, those who juggled too many balls successfully for so long don’t just drop one or a few, they drop everything from sheer exhaustion. That was what happened with me.

In my own case, my resources and weakness which can be easily interpreted as strength, had made me a stumbling block in the lives of others. There is nothing wrong with helping people but when we can’t help but help and we don’t know where and when to start and stop, then it is a problem. People who would naturally look up to God began to look up to me. I was bailing those God was using their circumstances to reform, thereby frustrating their processes. I was also setting people up for more disappointment than they could handle. I recall one particular situation – my driver had gone into the gas station to fill up. I noticed a young disabled boy trying to sell pieces of artwork. I was impressed because people like him typically beg. I chatted with him and learned he had no help, dropped out of school and is trying to sustain himself by selling the hand crafts.

I saw need and potential and zoomed off as usual. I took on the responsibility to get him back to school. One by one, the issues emerged; the school he wanted was out of town, he didn’t want to live in the hostel, among others. I funded all of that among so many others I was carrying at the time until I got to the point of feeling I was being exploited. I recall another situation where my sister confronted me, “You think you’re helping these kids, huh? Compare these expensive phones and unrealistic lifestyles they are flaunting with yours and all you are spending on them – is this what you call help?” Then I saw nothing wrong with it; I felt they were young and priorities vary at that age. Now, I know better.

God allowed me to run dry to get me out of the way so He could take preeminence in all the lives and situations I had taken over in the name of love. Now, I don’t cross lines with whatever God blesses me with. I have learned that God allows certain needs to teach us to focus on Him our Provider; that every need that passes your way is not for you to meet (some only call for encouragement, a word of prayer from a distance, a cheer or a pat on the back); that God is and remains the ultimate Provider; that we meddle when we get in the way of His work in others; and that we cannot be seen as better or to care more than God. I learned to be sensitive when God sends me to help, to know my limits, mind my business, and not interfere in what God has not called me to. That day as I walked away from that discussion in the restroom without offering to help the second cleaner raise money to run her own show, I realized that although experience is not the best teacher, it leaves unforgettable lessons behind.

I cannot count how many times in the past such a discussion would have dragged me into trying to bail people who are still going through their process in life and with God in the name of help. It is good to help but for everyone, there is a process and a timing that God controls. When we barge into people’s process, we disconnect their focus on God, rob them of opportunities to learn lessons they need for progress, shift their attention upon ourselves, and turn their demi-gods – with such help, God is not pleased or glorified.

I hope you can learn from my lessons and be the wiser for it. To know that we are only messengers. Servants must work in line with the goals and objectives of the Master lest our well-intended efforts derail His purpose in others. To know that the resources in our hands are to reinforce not distract the focus of receivers from God. To know that we must manage efficiently, the resources trusted to our care lest we blow them on issues that are not our business and be found wanting when the purpose of the gifts arrives. To know that from the beginning to the end, it is not about good deeds: it is about God because good works without God is misery. Blessings.

Glory!