Life wasn’t perfect but it was ours
To share joy as we journeyed on
Yes, we counted it a gift so we spent
Each day in lavish grace and goodwill
It was in that moment of treasuring
Darkness struck, by the time it lifted
Our lives were forever changed;
Our lives will never be the same again.
I noticed tons of alert from Facebook which is very unusual. At the end of a tiring day, I checked in and there before my eyes, was one of the news I dread most in life. I can deal with any and everything but death leaves me numb. Friends from across the world were pouring in comfort upon Jen and Karl but all I could do at the end of each day is get on and just stare, imagining what these dear friends must be going through at this critical time. By the time I had mustered courage after some days to reach out personally to her, her response left me brooding for another couple of days. It was while responding to her apt description of “The living nightmare,” which I know so well having lived through it, that this articles took form.
This family of four was treasuring the gift of life, of families, and friendship when the tide unexpectedly turned with tragic force that stole one precious life and left a gaping hole that is more painful to bear than sustained injuries that heal over time. To me, death was just a bad thing that happens to people until it claimed parts of my very existence. The anguish of losing loved one is indescribable, the grief never goes away because you can’t forget them or cover the space they left behind. No measure of courage can duel the formidable draft of this loss that blows and sucks at the same time! Worse when it hits so unexpectedly.
The crowd will linger for a while but in quietness of night, inside that apartment called thought where no one else no matter how close can access, we are left alone to face what we dread as we struggle to come to terms with a reality that makes no sense. Family and friends will visit, help, and eventually return to their places to continue their lives like it never happened but the evidence lives forever in our hearts. It is impossible not to take such losses personal –how can you deflect to another what was and will remain yours to bear? They may understand, empathize, but they are not the ones wearing this excruciating shoes! How can we forget a part of us that lived and thrived then ceased in an instant without notice or warning?
Some may think that time will heal but I’ve been there, time doesn’t have the power to reach the depth of such grief and ameliorate the intense agony. No, time cannot fill the empty space that stares back at you day by day. After a while, some may act like it didn’t happen. Maybe they don’t want to offend or remind you of your loss. Unknown to them, that loss is engraved – a vital part of this change you didn’t apply for, this new life that you have no other choice but to accept and deal every moment of every day. Nothing can fill the abysmal void death creates.
Others may say, “It’s been a while now, get over it” but like grief taught me: time doesn’t make it easier, only God can claim our hearts and in time soothe the pains to the point that it doesn’t hurt so bad each time we see the countless reminders that will always be there. No, we never get over the loss of a very dear one but we can grow stronger to bear the loss that was tossed upon us. We can learn, one day at a time with God, to live the chasm we can’t leave or live without. My heart and prayers are with Jennifer Lakowsky and Karl Brueckner: Paul is irreplaceable, July 10th will always ring a nostalgic bell but God will bring you through this like He always has and always will.
Glory!