Yes I wasn’t looking at the time
But I could see she cheated on me
Why? How could she?
“I can’t bear this,” I wailed
“But I bear with you every day,”
He says. “I can’t stand her,” I groaned.
But I stand you whichever way you turn.”
“What should I do then?” I asked
“As I have dealt with you,
Go deal with others. And as you would
Have others deal you, go dealing as well.”

If God allowed us what was due us, where would we be today? I made a very disturbing observation: someone I had gone out of my way severally to help was exploiting a situation I had trusted in her care. Trust is a delicate thing that should be handled with utmost care because when it shatters, it takes God to repair and reuse it. In my disappointment, I was fixing to confront the situation but there was an internal check which I usually sense as the restraint of the Holy Spirit so I held back.

I know that restraint well enough to know that I can’t ignore it and get away unscathed. Times I ignored such, my rapid and rabid responses brought no relief to the situation. In fact, if anything, it went so south I have learned to heed. But deep down I was troubled and still determined to put this on the table whenever the opportunity presented itself.
Time passed as I busied myself with work. First time it came to mind, I was still upset but over time, I realized it didn’t hurt so bad anymore. When opportunity eventually came, I was not hot and stewing in the offense. I had gone some ways ahead. In fact, I was in a position where I could take a long and broad look at the situation and listen to what God would have me do. By the time I gave attention to Him on the matter, the whole thing didn’t appear as it did when I first viewed it. I was in the place where I could look farther than the offense and the person involved.

I was in a place where I could engage in a level headed discussion and not in the earlier state where I ran the risk of meeting to say how I saw it, what I thought and how it made me feel. I was in a place where I was willing to look farther than the offense, consider the relationship and the person in all fairness, face the truth and take it with me to the next meeting. And what was that truth? I have known this person long enough to know that she is a great person. Much as I have blessed her in the areas that I am endowed, she had equally blessed me in the ways she is capable of. I was ready not just to speak but also to listen. The discussion would not be to highlight the offense but to foster a relationship I realized is worth fighting for, worth protecting, and worth preserving.

When I weighed the reaction I had planned at the time with the picture right before my eyes, it dawned that I would have burned bridges for nothing because at the end of the day, that once magnified offence came down to nothing. I didn’t have to sweep it under the table; I acknowledge this person made a bad choice on that matter not necessarily because she is a bad person – I have known her long enough to accept the truth which I would have been too hurt to consider in my earlier reaction. I don’t know why she made that choice that day but on my own, I chose not to make it worse for her, for myself, and for a valued relationship.

That broader view made it easier for me to choose to forgive as God forgives me: without drama or trauma. I chose to let it go and no allow it get in the way of the beautiful friendship God had blessed us with. I have had the “Difficult Discussions” with friends but I knew we didn’t need it here. And guess what? This same person has continued to be a blessing I daily thank God for as we go back and forth helping each other in areas we can to relieve the challenges of life. In a world that is constantly demanding and pilling pressures, it is not every day you meet someone who truly cares and when found, we should not allow offenses steal the gift they are to us.

Christ chose to die so that we can live well. He doesn’t ask us to do the same but He asks that we not blow up because we feel like. He asks that we listen and heed His counsel especially in those times we just want to say it as we see it, not knowing that our views may not always be accurate and our responses will not always be appropriate. He asks that we be patient and forgiving with one another as He has been with us. May God help us to hearken to the little voice of restraint within as it urges and leads us in the way we should go.

Glory!