“I AM SORRY!”
I’ve been wanting to say this forever
But don’t know how, don’t know when
Don’t even know where to find the faith
Now lost in what I shouldn’t but did.
Should I write; so long a letter still can’t tell
Should I call; fear dares me to try
Should I send emissaries; who is good enough
Near enough, understands enough, to bridge this gap?
Still forever today, I’ve been wishing
I didn’t what I did; I could undo what was done
Still forever today, I will be hoping, wanting
The chance to say, “I know better now
I shouldn’t have and more than words
Can ever say: I AM SORRY!”
One of the toughest lessons I have learned in life is that it is easy to make mistakes and not as easy to correct them. For some it may be easy to say, “I’m sorry.” For others, it may be hard. However it comes to each individual, apologies don’t undo what has been done and sometimes, don’t make it as forgettable as it is forgivable. Of all the painful things we have to deal with, I don’t know anything more painful than having to look a loved one in the eye and try to make amends for an error that shouldn’t have happened, for something that shouldn’t have been said or done. Apart from the guilt, the regret is heartbreaking and therefore calls for more caution than we are prone to exercise.
In the heat of the moment, emotions fly. In the thicket of emotions, things appear right in our eyes, justifying our instant decisions and rapid actions which raise unnecessary dusts. When transient sentimental bursts that flapped our reactive wings wane and our feet are back on ground, the ugly dusts we stirred begin to settle all around us, evidencing our ineptness: what sorrow, shame and regret we bear! “How could I have said such a thing?” “Why on earth did I even do that?” And guess what? The most poignant questions and rebukes are not the excusable and deflectable ones dished by those who were wounded by our indiscretion, it is the inescapable ones our conscience springs from within.
It may be challenging to live with others but if we can’t live with our conscience, for causing unjustifiable quakes or pains that could have been averted: I know no greater trouble than that! As always, God forgives at our repentance but the majority of times, it is easier for God to forgive us than it is for us to forgive ourselves. And sometimes, those we offended may forgive, even before we have taken steps to amend, yet what we see in the mirror each time we look does not change as fast. It costs us; pains, regret, remorse, continuous repentance even when already forgiven, and worse of all, it gets in the way of what once was so good to the point that it may never return the same.
I see this happen all the time and it is shocking that some of us just move on without realizing that we have wounded others, unaware that they have chosen to forgive and remain though our utterances and actions have proven us unworthy of their continued devotion or affection. Some may broach the subject, which is most gracious but others exercise their choice not to discuss it. Instead, they move on, leaving us wondering why they “suddenly” changed on us.
We live in sensitive times and these times call for utmost discretion. May God grant us wisdom to know and to do right; responsive conscience that realizes when we miss it; courage to take relevant steps toward correction; willingness to forgive as we want to be forgiven; and grace to accept the outcomes which often are not ours to choose. Amen!
(To be continued next week)
Glory!