The Master met us in daylight
Bearing transcendent love
In His glory, our faith glowed:
Promised fulfillment of our aspirations.
He’s here to set us free, to make all good!
We trusted, we followed Him everywhere;
Watched Him perform incredible wonders
Heard Him predict imminent darkness
Stuck with Him until He was taken
Believed in Him until He died
Packed up forlorn hope and resigned: losers.
Then news came: He arose as promised!
But how can I revive retired faith?
Until I see Him, dip my fingers in holes
Of nails and spears, I cannot believe.
Time and again, I am shocked by the ways that God works His wonders in us. It doesn’t matter how long we’ve walked with Him, or how far we’ve come in His way. God of wonders never ceases to amaze those who believe and continue to choose to hang with Him! He has been teaching me lately about walking with Him irrespective of signs and feelings. I have lived this way many years and walked this path countless times. Nevertheless, it seems that on this planet, we may never live faith enough. Instead, we will continue to learn for as long as we choose to follow God who is our Guide and Teacher on this journey of life.
As He taught, I believed I understood and was walking His truth. Then the light dimmed and things trailed off projected routes. I knew He wanted me to stay the course but I wasn’t sure where it was headed. I didn’t want to waste my time. I ached for His affirmation, some confirmation. When none was forthcoming, I was ready to resign from that path and find me a safer spot. I said I didn’t want to take blind risks. I didn’t want to feed false hopes. I said I’m too old to be hiking such trails. I didn’t want to jeopardize my faith. I told myself, “Better safe than sorry.”
My hypotheses sounded reasonable until God shined the light of truth once again and it dawned: I am the Thomas that believed Jesus is Christ while He performed signs and wonders in the streets of Jerusalem and beyond. The Thomas whose hope was decimated when Jesus surrendered rather than fight and prove His Sovereign power. The Thomas whose dreams died on the cross where the “Anticipated Messiah” allowed Himself to be nailed on a shameful cross. The Thomas whose faith was buried in the grave of the crucified Christ so that as news of His resurrection circulated, willed not to believe without some affirmation or confirmation.
I am that Thomas who risked it all for faith in the unfailing Messiah, lost it all when life plied its deplorable wares, and now could not afford another expensive risk of believing in resurrection without proof. God is teaching me to trust and obey without proof. I confess, no matter how long we’ve lived close to Jesus, it can be hard to believe the Resurrection after we watched The Christ crucified. Yet, that is what God asks of us: to believe though we see not, to trust though we understand not, to obey though it makes no sense.
We cannot follow God by our feelings. We cannot serve Him based on emotions. These things come and go and are not reliable predictors of God, His move and His ways. We are bound to be disappointed and will likely miss it if we make these the markers in our walk with God. He who must walk with God must do so by faith because without faith, it is impossible to engage with God. O God I believe, please help my unbelief!
Glory!