His truth like Him descends so gentle
Settling upon my soul but the fiend
Always in a hurry, disturbing peace
With lies that calls Abba a liar
Yet, every time I hearken to the fiend
I, not him, makes Abba a liar
And every time I thus proclaim
I open the door of loss and death
Until I turn to the One who saves.

This follows last month’s story, “Branded for Life.” Still on the vow. While I was going through those eye opening experiences, a question arose in my heart, a question I have been asked the few times I shared about my vow which I never contemplated on, “Will God really kill you if do…?” I looked up to my Abba with that question in my eyes, unwilling to utter the words but He said nothing. Like every child, I decided the best way to find out was to test the waters and see how far I can go before He comes running to the rescue. While the thought was still forming in my heart, I got a call from my sister. “Gee, are you considering …?” She asked. I dodged it, “What do you mean?” And she goes, “Don’t even dare! You won’t get away if you do.”

Unable to take anymore, I hushed her, “I’ll call you later ok?” I dropped the call. Scared and shivering as the reality of what just happened dawned on me. I had not said a word to anyone about what I was considering. There was no disputing that God was behind that strange phone call. The timing was even scarier: nobody else could have read my mind but God. In fear and trembling, I repented. Years later, I asked my sister about that call and she could not remember making it: either God used an angel or used her without her realizing it, to intercept a fatal fall. This was before the wandering that led to my branding (shared April 10, 2020). This was my first attempt but as with all humans, not the last.

I’m sharing this story for two reasons. One is that we all go through time of testing that pokes holes in our convictions, self confidence and messes us with ideas that we are standing because we are strong. Thus, we can’t wrap our heads around why people keep falling for something until we almost or literally fall into the same ditch to experience God’s rescuing grace. Then we realize beyond head knowledge that if not for the mercies of God, none of us can stand least of all walk close with so holy a God. We learn that God’s grace keeps us on this narrow path to which we are called. We learn that God’s grace abounds whether we stand or fall and helps us to be gracious to ourselves and to others, whether they fall or not, just like Christ would be toward them.

The other reason is to highlight the battle we all face with the enemy of our souls, “You will not really die if you disobey God?” Scripture says the soul that sins will die. God does not lie. Who is lying then? Here’s what happens: we listen to the enemy and we choose to disobey God and like Adam and Eve, we realize that we don’t automatically drop dead. “See you didn’t die!” The enemy claps and walks away triumphant but unknown to us, with our own hands, we have set in motion, the process of our own dying. By our willful disobedience, we have left the narrow and sturdy way and are now on a slippery slope that spirals downwards. Sometimes, because the physical effects are not immediately obvious, we assume the going is good until it is too late.

We don’t immediately die when we disobey God but we open the door of death which is the consequence of sin. It’s a natural law that cannot be broken no matter how much God loves and longs to save us. To every disobedience is tied consequences we don’t have to choose. It’s a full package though we choose based on momentary pleasures we see. When God says, “I’ve placed blessing and curses before you. Choose blessings that it may be well with you,” it’s not that God will cease to be God if we choose to live in sin. The loss on our choices of sinfulness is on us, not on God. The enemy is lost already. He knows we will die but he lies to us because he has no truth in him and he wants us lost like he is. He will badger and cajole us into disobedience whereas God stands on our side nudging in the path of light and truth and life. This is a choice we must make on a day to day basis: who will you heed and who will you make the liar: your Father or the fiend?

Glory!