With tools, sharp and glimmering
He cut me up. I thought He was done
The look in His eyes said otherwise.
I lay still, compliant, obedient
Waiting, anticipating but He turned, left
Without a word, without a sign:
I felt abandoned, used, abused, finished.
I thought, “When I was well and complete
I was no good, I was not good enough
Now a mess inside and out: I’m undone!
I’m Alone.” Hot tears rolled down
I couldn’t lift a finger to rid the tears;
I was in pain, weak, and above all, alone
Abandoned by the One I trusted
Deserted in the place of my surrender.

Food For Thought: There have been times I saw God moving one way and concluded I knew where He was going only to be shocked that He really wasn’t headed where I thought: He was only passing through. O yeah, who has never been “disappointed” by God? Yet, was that God disappointing us or our calculations and assumptions not working as expected? These feelings are intensified in the place of aloneness where it appears the world is rolling for everyone else but us; like we are the only ones left behind. It feels terrible to be helpless and being alone intensifies the agony of where we are and the loss we may bear. It feels worst when the one person you trusted most fails to be there at such a time. Who doesn’t know the feeling of being deserted? Yet, in such times I have learned that my inability to feel God’s presence doesn’t change the truth that God is everywhere: that God is always with me. God is ever present, working all things no matter how bizarre they appear, together for good.

Scripture: Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31: 6.

Prayer: Dear Lord, my mind conjures wonders in my vulnerable moments; wonders that instigate regret, rebellion, and desperation: at such times, may I set aside my fears and learn to rest on Your sure promises, amen.