“I AM SORRY!
I didn’t mean to.
No, I shouldn’t have said that.
True, I should never have done that
I see your pain which pains me most
And wish I didn’t go that far
Please forgive me: my actions
Are no reflections of my intentions
For truly, I didn’t mean to.
Every one of us has missed it big at one point if not all our lives and still do. It varies but mistake is a common trait with all mankind. We have offended and we have been offended, more times than we can count. When we are the offending party, we may not feel the full impacts of our actions or inactions and thus may conclude that consequent reactions meted are unrealistic, “Unfair!” Yet, when we are on the receiving end, the pain of disappointment is real and deep and doesn’t dissipate as fast as we may wish to forgive. In fact, forgiveness could turn a battle.
We know we ought to forgive but forgiveness doesn’t always come easy. Sometimes we just don’t want to forgive. Some others, we long to but struggle in the place of experience. Forgiveness is not talk: because talk is cheap, anybody can talk it but not everyone can dish it. The reality is in doing; saying it and living it are two different kettles of fish. We can say it from here to eternity and it will make no difference if we don’t get down to the doing. It is the living not the saying that makes the difference; brings relief to the offender, release for us the offended, and clears the way for something new if not better to emerge from the old.
From my own experience, forgiveness is nearly impossible when I focus on the offense. Dwelling on the offense rather rubs salt on the unjustness of what was said or done and intensifies the grief caused. The best way I learned to find not only forgiveness but also direction for next steps, for myself and others irrespective of whichever sides of the table we fall, is to focus on the heart.
When I focus on my heart as the offender, because I know myself and I can tell myself the truth even if I can’t admit it to others, it allows me to dig into real reason why. Focusing on my heart enables me to locate the root cause of what I said and did. Not gather excuses to justify the inexcusable. Instead, it empowers me to identify the core intentions. If I can find a faulty intention and correct it, I have learned from what hurt and it will not happen again.
Instead of pointing fingers and making excuses, maybe we should pause and look deeper, into our own hearts. People can point fingers at our faults all year round and we won’t get it because we are not looking and thinking in that direction. Our mind is not open to such considerations. However, when on our own we step aside, in repentance or in grief for the pain we caused, we may not be able to take back words or make up actions but we can find the true why we did what we did and do ourselves the favor of uprooting it and preventing a repeat.
How many times have we repeatedly hurt those we love with the same things we have apologized time without number about? Until we take steps away from whatever we think they did that made us do what we did, toward sincere repentance to examine our hearts, to find the cause and deal with it, our words and actions will continue to fall short of our intentions. By focusing on our hearts and taking care of what needs to be straightened and strengthened, we learn to match our intentions and actions.
(To be continued next week)
Glory!