I watch you crying, I am starring
Looking like I’m holding it all well
But deep inside, I am crumbling
Strained by this unusual distance
Smashed by every drop of tear
That falls off your broken heart
I bury me head in shame
But it can’t carry your pain
You don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
Nobody deserves me
Mired in your misery, I’m hunched
And I hope in this unutterable cry
That pleads you see my heart
And hear how for you it truly beats
Above what I shouldn’t but did.

I learned that focusing attention on the heart instead of the offense helps everyone involved be they the offended, the offender or associates of either and both. As the offender, focusing on my heart helps me see what’s wrong in there so I can fix it in order to align my utterances and actions with my intentions and avoid repeat. As the offended, it is equally essential to help us plant our feet in forgiveness and move past the offense. It is only when we see the heart that we can face the truth that, “It is possible he really didn’t mean to hurt me.” “She didn’t do that to cause all the resultant troubles.”

It helps when we know those involved, especially if they are the offenders. Yet it is hard to consider hearts when the wound is fresh, hurting and bleeding. Pain hurts the most when it is hot. When I am the offended, I’ve learned to step away a bit, as far as I safely and possibly can from the point of offence. Lingering around the offence only makes it hotter and drives the hurt deeper but putting some distance in between enables us to cool off no matter how temporary that be seem.

In stepping away, I also learned that there is a safe distance to go in those moments otherwise we go too far and permanently shut a door that should have only been temporarily closed. That results to losses both ways and we are further robbed in addition to the hurt that will take longer to heal if we eventually let it. Too much distance at the time of hurt can shut the door too soon and we bury the person and offense instead of forgiving and releasing them as well as ourselves. Unfortunately, buried sores don’t heal: they fester, more painful whenever brushed and likely to explode on the wrong person, at a wrong time for unwarranted reasons.

In the hot zone, all we want to do is slash back, give as bad as we got and nail the offender in a fair-enough casket. But if allowed to cool before we rush, we can look again from a safer distance, unclouded by our sense of pain and injustice, at the questions of why crying for answers in our wounded hearts. What I have found when I take the time to step away is that reason rises above grief, trumps pain and restrains rash reactions. Reason seeks the truth behind the action and in that position, I have learned to rate the heart above the action. I have come to understand that this is why some people consider me as friends and this is why I hold many in high esteem: because I know their hearts.

When I learned to zero in on the heart, I learned to stop judging people based on their actions because sometimes, actions and intentions don’t match. This is not to condone what shouldn’t be or make excuses where the need for change is calling. Yet it is the reason we still have communities of imperfect people like you and me who love us no matter what, to whom we are committed no matter what.

(To be continued)

Glory!