I’m so sad it hurts to smile
So sad it’s tough to cover
Why? Because try all I can
I am short; I keep falling short
I could never meet up
No matter how hard I try
It makes me so sad I can’t smile
So sad I can’t get over it

A lady whom we will refer to here as Jane was working for one of the insurance companies that I was using at the time. She met all categories of people on her job and because of the kind of portfolio she handled, was able to get intimate details about their finances. Over time, Jane became dissatisfied with her work. Why was that? The job she once upon a time excitedly accepted and joyfully performed hadn’t changed. The conditions didn’t diminish but in her interactions with people, she began to feel that she was wasting away where she was, that she would never measure up if she continued with it. “Why can’t I make as much as them?” She wanted more.

Jane couldn’t help comparing herself to her clients. Consequently, she felt cheated by her employer. She felt she wasn’t making enough compared to those she was meeting and interacting with. Over time, her discouragement led to change in attitude toward work, colleagues and clients. It is hard to be sad all day at work and not infect everyone at home or those we meet outside work. It doesn’t end there, it also leads to distractions. The grass was looking greener across from her perceived dry and brown lawn and she was grasping by all means, for a chance to better deals for herself, not the organization. She was growing desperate by the day and it was reflecting all over her, in everything she said and did. Without meaning to, she was growing repulsive.

Can you imagine having to meet such a person first thing in the morning, or having a meeting with them? An innocent, “How are you?” Turns into embarrassing lamentations that you are determined to subsequently avoid. It wasn’t only clients, colleagues we learned also weren’t comfortable around her because nothing good comes out of it. What was wrong again? She didn’t like what she was making, not what she was doing? She felt it was too small. How did she come to that conclusion? Comparing herself to others.

We all go through such times that turn jolly good fellows into sour whiners who see no good, hear no good and speak no good. Without realizing it, that disgruntled attitude renders us toxic both at work and beyond and from the little grace we didn’t appreciate, comes a fall into a deeper pit we didn’t see when we embarked on the downhill journey. We didn’t see her for a while and eventually learned the employer pulled the plug. Would you blame the organization for refusing to condone your negativity toward a job they value and for which they pay you as agreed?

To be continued (March 15, 2019)

Glory!