My heart breaks as I behold my Mentor, standing
By the shore I abandoned, waiting to welcome
This deserter with the very things for which I strayed
Tears cannot scrub the shame of naked aspirations
Robed expectations that expose weak determinations
As I must arise and take the steps that lead to what
I earlier turned my back on. Yet, may I never lack
The courage to stand and start over again
For a moment in truth surpasses a lifetime of lies:
Grant me courage and strength to jump off
The boat of deceit at the moment of truth
In preference to Your merciful embrace O God!
We often start out with such great faith until reality knocks the winds off our sails and we begin to sink, and in sinking we decide to embrace reality. And what is that reality? That my boat is sinking and Jesus is sleeping, doing nothing, probably doesn’t care or unable to deliver as promised. We decide to help ourselves, do our thing the best we know how. We abandon the call and begin a new pursuit that makes sense in a world that rises against God day after day.
Like Peter and the apostles in John 21, we jump into new deals to keep things moving and make ends meet. The supposed new offer gulps our best effort and yields nothing in return. As if that wasn’t bad enough, we look out as dawn descends and there He is, the very One we just turned our back on; standing patiently, compassionately watching, faithfully waiting, like He did years back, when we knew no better. That moment you wake up to the reality that ‘I’ve messed up again!’ “What am I doing here? How did I come this far? Why did I let this happen? I’ve disappointed God again!”
Fear may scream, “Ignore Him!” The shame of facing the One we denied, betrayed and rejected, in that moment of awakening may rob us appreciation of the miracle standing right before our eyes, “He is Risen! To die no more! He is real. Just like He said, He is True – the Way, the Life, the Truth, the Real Deal.” When we come into the moment that juggles our memory to remember precious times spent with Jesus before things started going downhill, all His promises and how true they are unfolding before our unbelieving eyes, what do we do? What do we do with Truth when we are caught red-handed in lies? What do we do when we suddenly realize that we have missed it, we have messed up? What do we do with uncomfortable Truth that won’t accommodate out lies and won’t go away and leave us alone?
Do we turn our backs and run with the shame or do we, like Peter run to Him and fall at His feet in repentance? Some would rather jump into the deep and die with the lies than take the steps to be confronted again by the Truth that now stands too close for comfort. It takes courage to stand and face Truth after we have romanced the false. It takes courage to give up the lies in order to embrace Truth, to willingly get off the ride of deceit, and rather than continue in the wrong, to intentionally take steps back to the Way of Life and Truth that awaits our repentance and return.
No, it wasn’t funny for Peter and the disciples, facing Jesus after they all ran from Him, after denying knowing Him, after abandoning what He had called them to. Neither will it be easy for any of us whenever that truth hits: that we have believed or chased after lies. Still, my prayer for you and me today is that whenever and wherever Truth finds us, may we willingly get off the wrong lane even if it means going back. May we prefer the shame of swallowing Truth and turning back to the Way than continuing in the path that seems right only to end in destruction. In the path that God has called us, His faithfulness guarantees peace and deliverance despite the storms. God bless our days, our walk and pursuit of Him, in truth and in deed. Amen.
Glory!